“I’m a resident of [redacted] and my sole intent is to network with people who also share my interests… Been single for around 2 years now and starting to come out of my shell. I’m starting to think there might be light at the end of this tunnel! ”
haha. googled my douchebag manager and found the quote above next to an even more douchey portrait of himself. this is how my manager tries to make friends. He even sounds boring on social networking sites. so sad.
The conference call ended with the lead project manager thanking all 13 of us for “volunteering and I suppose for some of you more like being drafted into this project during the holidays. we appreciate your hard work …blah blah blah”.
I waited for his word vomit to conclude before responding in an obnoxiously fake Indian/slightly Carribean Japanese voice:
“Yes, drafted correct sir. No volunteering here. only drafted like cow soldier!! Now I must work Christmas.”
awkward silence ensued. Followed by the manager thanking everyone on the call and a some muffled laughs.
Best part: nobody knew it was me. At the very least; nobody could prove it. HA! Fuckers.
Some dude just rambled for 3 minutes straight on my current conference call. And ended his rant with “I guess I’m having a little bit of difficulty is what I’d like to throw out there.”
Really??!?!? Is this task that difficult for you?
who are you people????? How can I remove your internal organs [via crazy-ninja-teacher-in-Ninja-Assassin-movie style -coughterriblemoviebutstillsawitcough]??
ATHENA: people are just so weird
me: i dont know how ppl grow up to be so fucked up
one day he said “I always knew i’d end up in business bc I always thought of it as where all the smart people went”
I almost gagged out loud
ATHENA: oh boy
what did you say?
me: something about most of the ppl ive met in business have been the biggest morons ive ever met in my entire life
he didnt really get it
ATHENA: it’s annoying when you make a joke and it goes right over soeones head
it’s not like you want to have to explain
it just gets lost
me: yea - but i knew it’d get lost. his statement about “where all the smart people went” solidified my theory
ATHENA: case in point
some people
me: haha
and it always happens to be the ones who decide to reproduce
sometimes my job makes me bitter
me: but i just wonder how most people just go about it so freely. they accept it and seem to like their miserable lives. sometimes i wonder why im not like that.
ATHENA: what!
be grateful that your not a drone
why would you want to be that?
me: bc life is so easy when you’re stupid
Pic of the day. I love miss Spring time.
me: I walked in the bathroom today and was greeted by a pube the length of my middle finger laying on the toilet rim.
friend: maybe it was just his hair.
me: that shit definitely didn’t come from his head.
What guy lets his pubes grow that long??!?!? Surely, the box of condoms he has in the left bathroom drawer is for “show”. Second [legit] thought: who stashes condoms in the bathroom drawer?? btw, it’s the guest bathroom right off the living room. Weird. Weird. Filthy. Fellow.
The woman sitting behind me has the voice of a 13 year old boy. In my opinion, that’s a predicament slightly worse than a woman with a distinct manly voice.
…sucks to be her.
I suck at cooking, but totally whipped up this bruschetta creation recently. I understand this has no meaning, thus serves absolutely no interest to all of you, however it’s the little accomplishments that mean so much…….right?
…tastes even better when you’re stoned.
CompleteBro: I always kind of assumed I’d end up in business even before I did [insert Bro’s current profession] because I always saw it as where all the smart people went.
me: hmm. Most people who went into business tend to be the biggest morons I’ve ever met.
I purposely omitted that I thought he’d fit right in. How does someone become like you people? Who are your parents, where do they come from, and why are there so many of your kind?!?!?!?!?!?
boy: so how’s everything going with [new project]?
me: I hate Indians. They’re sneaky kiss-ass annoying pains.
boy: That’s a little racist.
me: culturally biased. And I’m brown so I can say these things and claim to be culturally biased. You’re white so you can’t say these things - you’ll just look racist.
boy: correct. But at least you’re aware of the double standard.
me: Asians are sneaky too.
